Navigating Our Bodies: A Guide For Couples

I sometimes help clients navigate the tender, raw places where intimacy meets resistance. Where the messiness of being human confronts the myth of how things “should” be—especially when it comes to sex, aging, illness, trauma, and our ever-changing bodies. Dr. Emily Nagoski talks about being in our bodies in Come Together. It is a powerful invitation to lay down our armor and meet ourselves—and our partners—with curiosity and reverence.

Curiosity, as Dr. Nagoski writes, is turning toward what is true. Not what we wish were true. Not what we were taught should be true. But what is. This kind of curiosity says, “I see you. I love you. I want to know you.”

Imagine what shifts in long-term partnerships when this becomes our baseline.

The Truth About Bodies

Bodies change. That’s not a problem—it’s a reality. They change with time, ailments, medication, pregnancy, grief, and stress. A relationship that stays rooted in performance, fantasy, or fear of change will struggle. But one that’s rooted in curiosity and care has room to expand.

I’ve known couples who are navigating the impacts of trauma, menopause, chronic pain, postpartum identity shifts, or gender transitions—find deeper intimacy when they stop resisting change and begin honoring what is. This requires a move away from expectation and toward presence. As Dr. Nagoski reminds us, our bodies may develop new needs. And when those needs are met with attuned care rather than comparison or shame, love flourishes.

Shame Lives in the Body

Let’s be honest—there isn’t a single person who hasn’t absorbed sexual shame from somewhere. Culture and media—it seeps in. It settles in our skin, our breath, our hips, our inner narratives.

And yet, shame cannot survive sustained curiosity and loving attention. When we name shame, when we speak it aloud in the presence of a safe other—our partner, a therapist, even our own inner witness—it begins to loosen its grip. We make more of ourselves available for connection and pleasure.

Magic, Metaphor, and Healing

What I love about this chapter is its embrace of myth, fantasy, and the symbolic language of healing. Many survivors of trauma—whether sexual, emotional, or systemic—need more than logic to reclaim wholeness. They need magic. They need metaphor.

Trauma can turn those impacted into dragons—fierce and fire-breathing or phoenixes, burning down what no longer serves to rise again. Some feel called to be wise witches, wounded healers, or quiet warriors. These aren’t just stories—they are roadmaps. They help us metabolize pain, transmute shame, and find power in places we were once powerless.

These metaphors aren’t silly. They’re sacred. They help us reframe our histories, reclaim our bodies, and reimagine our partnerships.

Coming Together, As We Are

What Dr. Nagoski offers in this chapter is not a technique—it’s a way of being. Living in bodies—truly living in them—requires courage, compassion, and the willingness to meet ourselves and our partners over and over again, in whatever form we’re currently taking.

It’s not about fixing what’s “wrong.” It’s about staying present with what’s real.

So here’s my invitation to you and your beloved: Let your curiosity lead. Turn toward each other. Talk about your shame. Share your myths. Touch each other like your bodies are sacred texts, always evolving, always deserving of love.

You’re not who you were five years ago. Neither is your partner.

Good. That means you get to fall in love all over again.

With curiosity and care,

A couple therapist who believes in wise witches and wizards, healing, and the sacred work of showing up in your ever-changing body.