Causes of Relationship Issues
Frequently clients come in for a common relationship issue and then find that there are deeper relationship issues beneath the disagreements are finances and intimacy. Here are 10 underlying psychological relationship issues:
Differences between partners: Some couples may struggle with issues related to differences in opinions, conflicting expectations, and communication styles. Couples may need help reconciling their differences, particularly if they have conflicting personalities, interests, or goals. Some couples may initially be attracted to each other and be highly compatible due to shared activities and enjoyment at the beginning of a relationship. They then may find that they diverge on deeper topics around values systems and how to raise a family.
Lack of trust: Some members of a couple lack confidence in their partner due to actual or perceived breaches in the relationship.
Lack of respect: As trust breaks down from dishonesty or not keeping one’s word, communication issues multiply. Signs of disrespect between partners may increase through non-verbal and verbal communication, including passive-aggressiveness.
Conflicting expectations: Couples may have unsaid or differing expectations about what they want from each other or what it means to be in a relationship. Expectations that are unsaid or differ can lead to a build-up of resentment.
Insecurity: Feelings of insecurity can be an issue in a relationship related to past experiences or current feelings of inadequacy. This can cause tension and conflict as partners seem to compete and bring each other down.
Emotional sensitivities or vulnerabilities from each partner from past relationships or childhood: Past experiences can also shape how individuals view and approach relationships, leading to emotional sensitivities or vulnerabilities that can cause conflict.
Issues stemming from childhood: Childhood experiences, both joyous and traumatic, can shape how individuals approach relationships, leading to patterns of behavior or communication that may cause conflict.
Differing family makeup: Growing up in different family cultures, traditions, household styles, and family size can also cause tension in a relationship, particularly if one partner has different expectations or beliefs about how a relationship should function.
External stressful circumstances: Stressful circumstances, such as job loss or illness, may exacerbate the problem created by differences and emotional sensitivities.
Patterns of interaction: Couples may also fall into patterns of interaction that can escalate the problem, such as the “pursue-pursue,” “pursue-withdraw,” or “withdraw-withdraw” dynamics. Pursue-pursue, withdraw-withdraw, and pursue-withdraw are three common interaction patterns that can create relationship problems. In pursue-pursue, both partners aggressively pursue the other, which can create tension and conflict. In withdraw-withdraw, both partners withdraw from each other, leading to feelings of isolation and disconnection. In a pursue-withdraw, one partner pursues while the other withdraws, creating imbalance and resentment.