My Five Favorite Self-Care Practices

My Five Favorite Self-Care Practices

by | Sep 1, 2022 | Articles

My Five Favorite Self-Care Practices

 

 

Throughout my adult life, I have continually sought to connect with my intuitive nature and cultivate grounding and mental clarity. These 5 practices have supported me in deciphering my intuitive voice from my ego voice. If they aren’t already part of your practice, try them out and they may help you hone your intuitive voice too! 

Morning Walk

Since getting a dog when I graduated college, I have relished going on early morning walks to greet the day. It is as much a walk for me as it is for my dog! 

There is something truly magical about the quiet moments of a morning walk. Engaging in this simple yet powerful practice allows you to connect with nature and yourself before the demands of the day take over. As you walk, pay attention to the sights, sounds, and smells around you. Tune in to the sensations in your body, the rhythm of your breath, and the thoughts that arise. Mindful walking helps calm the mind, open your senses, and create a sacred space for intuition to flourish.

Meditation

In college, I joined a meditation club, where a community of students met weekly to sit in quiet contemplation. There was something powerful about a bunch of typically chatty students sitting together in solidarity in a large room facing different walls to breathe and be. I would walk outside afterward, and it was like the world had slowed down, and the trees and scenery were more vivid and clear. Since then, I have regularly practiced meditation in classes and on my own to continue to recreate this grounded clarity. 

Meditation is a powerful tool for self-reflection and cultivating inner awareness. By regularly setting aside time for meditation, you can create a quiet space within yourself to explore your thoughts, emotions, and intuitions. Find a comfortable spot, close your eyes, and focus on your breath. Allow any thoughts or feelings to come and go without judgment. This practice helps to quiet the noise of the external world and connect with your inner wisdom, allowing your intuition to guide you more effectively for the rest of your life.

Yoga

I was introduced to yoga when I was in high school, and I would try different classes at various yoga studios with friends. Though I was not physically good at yoga to start and was falling all over the place, there was something about it that kept me coming back. I found it especially beneficial when I was in college, as I noticed it supported me in studying and retaining material more effectively, feeling more comfortable in my body, sleeping better, and feeling calmer. There were so many other benefits that I kept uncovering the more I returned. I ended up taking yoga teacher training and then teaching yoga because of how much the practice impacted me!

The practice of yoga offers a beautiful union of the mind, body, and spirit. Through the combination of physical postures (asanas), breath control (pranayama), and meditation, yoga helps you cultivate a deep sense of presence and awareness. The conscious movement and intentional breathing in yoga create a sacred space for your intuition to thrive. As you flow through each pose, listen to the messages your body is sending you, and trust the wisdom it holds. Regular yoga practice can enhance your ability to tap into your intuition both inside and outside the therapy room.

Journaling

Journaling is a practice that I started as soon as I could write cohesively in the 1st grade. My journaling has evolved since then, however, the practice continues to be a space for me to get my thoughts, feelings, and reflections on paper, clear my mind-clutter, reconnect with what feels like my more intuitive self, and develop greater insight and clarity. Sometimes I will even notice that I am putting off journaling because journaling may lead me to an intuitive acknowledgment and decision that I will then have the responsibility to put forth into action! Fortunately, I am usually able to catch myself in that procrastination and then carve out time to journal. 

Journaling is a transformative self-care practice that allows you to explore your thoughts, emotions, and experiences in a safe and private space. By putting pen to paper, you can access your subconscious mind and uncover valuable insights. Set aside a dedicated time to write freely, without judgment or editing. Let your thoughts flow onto the pages, and pay attention to any intuitive nudges that arise. Journaling helps you develop a deeper understanding of yourself, enhances self-reflection, and strengthens your intuitive abilities.

Go to the Spa

While my other four practices are typically daily or weekly practices, the spa has not been as consistent of a practice for me, however, I know how beneficial it has been whenever I can have a spa day. I walk out of the spa with a fresh restart for my body, and it is so much easier to listen to the voice of my intuition. If there was a world where spas were complimentary, I would be there all the time! 

Taking care of your physical and emotional well-being is crucial for maintaining a strong connection with your intuition. Treating yourself to a spa day or a self-care retreat can provide a much-needed reset and rejuvenation. Indulging in relaxation therapies such as massages, facials, soaking in a hot tub, or using the steam room or sauna can help release tension, relieve stress, and create space for your intuition to flourish. The pampering experience of the spa not only nurtures your body but also replenishes your mind and spirit, allowing you to bring your best self to your work and personal life. If finances are a barrier, you can have an at-home spa day where you take a bath, use a homemade facial, or ask your partner or a friend to trade off giving and receiving a massage. Alternatively, if you belong to a gym, you may be able to access some of the amenities, such as a steam room, after a workout. 

Nurturing your intuition is an ongoing journey that requires consistent self-care practices. By incorporating activities such as morning walks, meditation, yoga, journaling, and spa visits into your routine, you can cultivate a deep sense of inner knowing and strengthen your confidence in living a purposeful and intentional life. Remember, your intuition is a valuable asset that can guide you in your healing journey. Prioritizing your self-care ultimately benefits both you and those around you! 

Coping with Covid, flus, and colds

Coping with Covid, flus, and colds

by | Aug 1, 2022 | Articles

Coping with Covid, flus, and colds

 

Flakey pie crust bakes in the oven and the aroma of cheese and tarragon wafts around me as I sit in my kitchen nook at sunset. Since childhood, the veggie pot pie has been one of my favorite dishes. I am instantly comforted whenever I smell it cooking in the oven. When I’m feeling under the weather, I find comfort in nostalgic smells.  

I finally got COVID. After being quite cautious during the last 2.5 years of the pandemic, I was frustrated to ultimately get COVID simply from going about my everyday routine. When I get acutely sick, I tend to go through rapid stages of the grief cycle.

First, I tend to go into an initial denial phase and tell myself, “oh, I am just tired,” and then push forward with my responsibilities at home and with my virtual work. 

Second, I get angry and think, “Oh, no. I might be sick. How could I let myself get sick at a time like this?!” 

And after the anger subsides, the bargaining comes: “If I can get better super quick…like in the next day…I promise I will do more meditation and yoga, improve my sleep and reduce my stress level so that I don’t get sick again.”

Then comes the depression when the symptoms quicken, as I mope in bed and think, “Life is terrible. I am unhappy. What am I doing with my life? How did I get here? I don’t care about anything anymore. I am so unmotivated. Am I depressed? Have I been depressed for months and not realized it? Nothing brings me joy anymore.” Walking my dog and smiling with my latte just a few days prior now feel like a distant memory. The depression phase tends to be the longest as I lay in bed, and it feels like I have been this down and having these low thoughts for years. 

I must decide during the depression phase to move into acceptance. The decision is to recognize that this pain and discomfort are temporary and that suffering and the depressive state are optional. I start to recall monks who meditate with discomfort and pain in the heat on top of a mountain. The sun will move from the hill, the day will cool, and the sweat will subside. Everything is temporary. 

As time passes, I start to move into greater acceptance.

Here are five tips that helped me move forward from depression to acceptance to coping with acute illness, and eventually renewed joy: 

Visualize the Mountain: I start to tell myself a new story. I imagine myself like the monks meditating on top of a hill. I remember that this fever, scratchy throat, and cough are temporary. All of life is temporary. I accept that my body is uncomfortable, but that does not mean I am depressed. I can accept that I feel down in a moment without making it a global statement about my life, my overall disposition, or who I am. I am not a depressed person. Even if I was feeling depressed feelings beyond being acutely sick, I am still not a depressed person. I am simply experiencing down thoughts and feelings at this moment. In the next moment, that can change. 

Body Scans: I start to do body scans and breathe into areas of pain as I accept my temporary discomfort. I observe the tight, scrunchy sensation on my forehead, the tightness around and between my brows. I can call it a headache and label it as ‘bad,’ or I can objectively observe the micro-sensations. It is simply a sensation!

Nostalgic Comforts: I started making the food I had when I was a child and felt sick. I instantly feel joy, comfort, and memories of having a loving caregiver bring me food when I stayed home from school. 

Childhood Laughter: I put on slapstick silly shows and movies. Many are movies from childhood to once again elicit nostalgia and pure joyful child-like laughter. The more I laugh, the more I pull myself out of my depressive mood. Even if I end up coughing halfway through the laughter, it’s worth it.

Affirmation Blanket: I wrap myself in either a fuzzy or weighted blanket. Even if I do not have someone to take care of me for a time, I can now care for and love myself. As I wrap myself in this blanket, I tell myself the affirming messages that I heard as a child that I can give to myself now as an adult, “I love you. Feel better, sweetheart. I am here for you. Rest now, and you will be back at school (or work) soon. You will be ok.” 

It is normal to move through these brief stages of grief as I did when I got sick recently. You may be more prone to move into depression while sick if you have experienced depression in the past. You might begin associating some familiar down feelings and thoughts that creep up when you are acutely ill with the periods of depression or grief you felt in the past. Sometimes when we are acutely sick, it can be so easy to dig a metaphorical hole, sit in what can feel like permanent depression, and grab onto depressing thoughts. This can create a sense of permanence out of  something quite temporary in the grand scheme of our lives. Perhaps with this resource, you can stop digging that hole and instead mindfully sit on the mountain and move into greater acceptance.

Languishing & Post-Covid Stress Disorder

Languishing & Post-Covid Stress Disorder

by | Jul 1, 2022 | Articles

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Languishing & Post-Covid Stress Disorder

I miss how I experienced my life Before The Pandemic or “BTP”. These days, my concept of time sometimes revolves around BTP and life After The Pandemic, or “ATP.”

And even with BTP and ATP,  my subconscious mind denies that time has continued, and I find myself typing 2020 down as the year and then needing to fix it.   

Without conscious intent, my body moves through the motions, yet my heart and mind are holding onto BTP, a time when I felt a greater sense of aliveness and balance in my life.    

I miss those long embracing hugs when first seeing a family member. I miss leaning in toward a friend at a coffee shop table and looking into their eyes as they share a story. I miss physical intimacy without the fear of getting sick. I miss signing up for workout classes at a local studio, sweating next to a workout friend, and feeling that shared sense of energetic community, without the fear that someone’s sweat will drip onto me and spread the virus.    

I miss not giving it a second thought when someone coughs or sneezes at a restaurant near me and I yearn for the days when I booked airline tickets to a fun new place, my only mild angst being waiting in line at security and taking off my shoes. ATP, it’s such a bother to fly anywhere because of the looming possibility of plane delays, flight cancelations, and illness.     

In Los Angeles, I have seen so many homeless people struggling for necessities, and roads blocked off due to recent gun shooting incidents. It reduces my felt sense of safety and is a reminder of how many people have been in mental, emotional, and physical pain during this pandemic.    

BTP life used to feel balanced, joyful, harmonic, and expansive, whereas life ATP feels imbalanced, blah, chaotic, and cautiously small. It takes daily intentional effort to bring myself into balance and feel joy, harmony, and expansiveness.    

As I write this, I am aware that I may be experiencing some of the symptoms of what mental health professionals are calling post-COVID stress or languishing. Some people have returned to a new normal and to the activities and routines they did BTP, including returning to work in person, hanging out often with friends and family, going to restaurants and events, attending workout classes, and traveling. Others, including myself, may continue to live a cautious lifestyle that looks noticeably different from BTP. Even if you have externally returned to BTP daily activities, you may relate inwardly to some of these post-COVID stress disorder symptoms.    

Studies show that globally, adults are experiencing greater levels of stress and anxiety after the pandemic than BTP. Dr. JoAnn Difede, Ph.D., stated that some of the post-COVID stress disorder symptoms include increased moodiness, difficulty sleeping, trouble concentrating, irritability, and anxiety compared to BTP.   

Even if you don’t identify with post-COVID stress disorder symptoms, many people have identified with the term languishing, a term that Dr. Adam Grant, Ph.D., defines as a sense of stagnation and emptiness. Dr. Grant describes languishing as “muddling through your days, looking at your life through a foggy windshield.”   

So what can be done to help alleviate post-COVID stress disorder and languishing? Dr. JoAnn Difede, Ph.D., shares that “as humans, we often think that if the problem seems enormous, the solution has to be, and that isn’t the case.” 

If you too are identifying with symptoms of post-COVID stress disorder or languishing, here my top 5 suggestions that have helped me work through my own sense of languishing from the start to the end of the day:

Create a Healthy Morning Routine

Create a healthy routine such as starting the morning with a healthy breakfast and cup of coffee before you check emails, social media, or begin work. Keeping a regular schedule can reduce stress and stagnation, and can promote a sense of consistency, a locus of control, and forward momentum. 

Mindfulness in Nature

Carve out some time in the morning or during a lunch break for a guided meditation outside. For a non-guided mindful moment, sit out for at least 5 minutes or more with a gentle gaze, listen to the birds, and feel the breeze. You can start to observe how nature continues onward with its routine in a similar way as BTP.

Read a Book

Replace the extra screen time of scrolling through social media in the afternoon with an engaging book of your choosing. It could be a novel, a self-improvement book, or a biography about the life of someone who inspires you. 

Speak with a friend, family member, or your therapist

Share what you are experiencing with a non-judgmental, understanding, and supportive person in your life over dinner or video chat. Start to feel more expansive after you have space to vent and share what is on your mind.

Sleepytime Meditation

Replace that extra Netflix episode about to play with a guided sleep meditation. Sleepytime meditations help you increase your melatonin, signal your brain that it is time for rest, and allow you to temporarily store away any essential thoughts and tasks for the next day. 

Remember, these are continual practices to reduce that sense of languishing or post-COVID stress that you may find yourself in ATP, increasing moments of balance, joy, gratitude, harmony, expansiveness, and purpose. 

Along with these techniques, I would love to help you find unique solutions for your feelings and situation. Please contact me today for a free initial consultation. 

Is this my Intuition?

Is this my Intuition?

by | Jun 1, 2022 | Articles

Is this my Intuition?

 

 

When it comes to taking steps on your life path, you often hear people urging you to “follow your gut.” But what exactly does that mean? And if you aren’t following our gut, what are you following? 

You have two choices: to primarily listen to either your ego or your intuitive inner voice. So how do you differentiate between the two? How do you know if you are “trusting your gut” or following an ego-driven desire? 

Ego traits include caring about superficial image and wanting to please people who will help the ego get seen, recognized, and known. The ego typically wants you to excel at whatever you do and struggles with being new at an activity because it doesn’t want to look bad in front of other people. The ego tends to look at the superficial regarding dating, wants someone who fits all criteria, and quickly discounts people. 

Allowing the ego to be dominant can be problematic for many reasons. One reason is that someone could go down an ego-driven path and then find years later that it was not the path they wanted to take. Hello quarter-life and mid-life crises! 

In contrast, heartfelt intuition seeks to find a career that it loves doing and energizes them. The intuition finds significance in the small moments of everyday life and feels grateful for those moments. It is not worried about making mistakes because it loves learning. Intuition connects with others by listening to them and how they feel in their body and heart in the moment. 

How can you decipher if it is your ego dominating your life path or your heartfelt intuition leading the way?

One way is by listening to your body. If your heart is racing, your chest feels tight, your breath is shallow, your jaw is gripping, or your shoulders are stiff, that can indicate that your ego is speaking when making a decision. On the other hand, if your heart feels warm, your breath is free, your eyes moisten, or your body feels relaxed during your inner dialogue, those are body cues of your intuition speaking. 

Tendencies of the ego

Another way to decipher in the moment is by knowing the common tendencies of the ego and becoming aware of your inner dialogue. Here are a few areas in which your ego might dominate your path forward:

 Decisions about your career

The ego wants to make money quickly and achieve as fast as possible. The ego may want to give up on a career path if it is not getting the results of a sizable income and prestige fast enough. The ego will stick around in a career that it hates for a while if there is enough income, accolades, and approval from employers, family, friends, and society. The ego may not prioritize basic needs like sleep and eating and instead put work above all else. The ego can treat the body like a machine and push the body to exhaustion. 

“I want to be the best in the world at _____.”   

“I am not interested in studying _____, but pursuing this career is the only way my parents will be proud of me.” 

“I will be nice to my boss just to get recognized.” 

“I feel down and have no time to take care of myself, but what matters most is that I get promoted.”

Decisions about hobbies

The ego is impatient and doesn’t like fumbling around to get better at something. The ego wants results quickly and wants to be able to do that handstand to chaturanga soon after watching someone do it on social media. The ego likes the idea of how something looks to others and gets frustrated if it is not achieving that ideal. 

“I don’t even want to try this new activity my friend invited me to because I will suck at it, and I want to be the best at everything I do.” 

“If I don’t post this activity on social media, it is like it didn’t happen.” 

“Those people on social media made this look so cool and easy. I give up.” 

Decisions about dating

The ego will give someone a chance that meets a specific professional and physical standard they have quantified. The ego may be skeptical of someone different from them regarding economics, family background, or culture. The ego wants to choose someone outwardly impressive to family, friends, and societal norms above all else. 

“I can’t date this person because their job title sounds boring and mediocre.” 

“I can’t date them because they don’t fit all of my specific criteria.” 

“I can’t date them because my family won’t like them.”

“I can’t date them because they are of a different _______ (insert SES, family background, or culture).” 

Listening to your inner intuitive voice

As opposed to letting the ego drive your decisions, opening your heart and allowing your intuition to lead the way supports you in living a more fulfilling and joyous life. 

A good indication that you are following your heartfelt intuition is if your inner dialogue goes something like this:

Decisions about your career

The intuition sees how different job positions are times to learn and grow along the way toward heartfelt goals and sees the value in the day-to-day tasks moving them forward towards a sincere vision. The intuition likes to collaborate with others in their field.

“I am fully committed to this journey because it lights me up! I feel energized and joyous along the way.” 

“I am not worried about taking a step back on my path because each time I learn so much, and then I take many more steps forward.” 

“This task is a bit tedious; however, I remain motivated because I see how it contributes to my greater vision.” 

“If I have the potential to bring a smile to someone’s face or enhance a product that can help others, I am making a difference.” 

Decisions about hobbies

The intuition finds enjoyment in progress and doesn’t mind falling or possibly looking foolish in front of others. 

“I am a beginner at this, and I don’t care that I look silly.” 

“I am making progress. I can do this move a little bit better than last week.” 

“I am taking this chance to join a group activity, even if I fall and everyone looks at me.” 

Decisions about dating

The intuition is receptive to someone surprising them along their dating journey. 

“I might have criteria in my mind; however, that is secondary. I am open to getting to know someone deeper and having them surprise me!”

“This person seems pretty genuine. I am looking forward to getting to know them better.” 

“I want to connect with someone who listens, is engaged, and takes an interest in me.”

“I want to be with someone honest and trustworthy in their words and actions.” 

How your intuition and ego can be a team

You do not need to forgo the ego entirely and only live in your heartfelt intuition. Instead, the two can work in harmony together. Not everyone desires or can leave behind worldly possessions, meditate for 8 hours a day, and devote their lives to charitable work. And sometimes, doing that could come from the ego with the desire to “be good” and be the “best good person.” 

Nurture your intuition and allow the ego to follow the intuition’s lead. While the ego often wants to be the dominant voice and squash the intuition, you can start to listen to your intuition more as your guide and your ego as the executive assistant. Choose to nurture intuition through heartfelt self-care practices and then call on the ego to support you in getting work done aligned with your genuine goals and intuition. The ego can be an excellent supporting role for your intuition because the ego is great at making lists, organizing, planning, and strategizing.  

Ask yourself, “Who is talking? Is it my ego or my intuition?” This simple awareness can help you identify, tune in, and listen more to your intuition.

Finding your Preferred Individual Therapy Style

Finding your Preferred Individual Therapy Style

by | May 1, 2022 | Articles

Finding your Preferred Individual Therapy Style

 

 If you have started researching therapists, you likely noticed the different therapy styles mentioned. The therapy style can be a valuable component in finding the right therapist for you. Each style varies based on how a therapist views change will occur in therapy. In this blog post, we will focus on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Humanistic, Post Modern (Narrative), and Psychodynamic. 

Let’s talk about what it may sound like and feel like having sessions with therapists with these different styles. Try to visualize yourself sitting in an office or on your computer, meeting with a therapist, and see which approach connects with you the most. 

CBT Therapist

The role of a CBT therapist is to be a co-teacher with you. A CBT therapist will educate you on how thoughts affect feelings, physical sensations, and reactions. They may utilize structured lesson plans with you to identify and help shift negative thoughts into more balanced thoughts. CBT therapists provide a tool kit to better cope with life challenges and help you connect to more joyful experiences. Just like in school, you may have homework between sessions. Here is a brief example:

Client: “I have been more irritable this week and don’t know why. It seems to have come out of nowhere. I have been more snappy with my partner.” 

Therapist: “Remember the handout I shared with you on the interconnectedness of thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and reactions?”

Client: “Yes”

Therapist: “Ok, I will ask you questions from the handout to help you understand what negative thoughts contribute to your irritability. When did you first notice feeling irritable this week? What was happening before you noticed feeling irritated?” 

Client: “I guess it started Friday evening. I finished a long workweek and had finished dinner, and then I wanted to chill out on the couch, but my partner asked if I could do the laundry. That was the last thing I wanted to do, but I mustered up the energy and started doing the laundry even though it could have waited until the morning.” 

Therapist: “Do you recall what you felt when you mustered up the energy to do the laundry?” 

Client: “I was pissed. I had told my partner that I had had a hectic week.”

Therapist: “What judgments were you placing on your partner at that moment?” 

Client: “That they didn’t care about me.” 

Therapist: “Ok, you told yourself that they didn’t care. And were there any negative thoughts that you were telling yourself?”

Client: “That I am such a pushover. Why couldn’t I tell them that I would do it tomorrow? Or for them to do the laundry? I am such a pushover….”

The conversation continues into examining physical sensations and reactions and then further exploring the negative thoughts about their partner and themselves, and working on shifting the thought patterns. Then homework is assigned at the end to fill out a related worksheet the next time they notice feeling irritable. 

Humanistic Therapist

The role of a Humanistic therapist is to relate to you in an empathetic, warm, and genuine way. They hold a loving space as you lead the way to healing, growth, and increased self-awareness. A Humanistic therapist supports you in developing self-acceptance and self-actualization. They share their feelings and reflections honestly and genuinely with you to help you grow. Humanistic therapists tend to focus more on the present moment as an opportunity for healing. Here is a brief example:

Client: “I have been more irritable this week and don’t know why. It seems to have come out of nowhere. I have been more snappy with my partner.” 

Therapist: “That sounds difficult to be experiencing irritability throughout the week and being more disconnected and snappy at your partner. I imagine feeling this irritation and not knowing why is also confusing. What are you feeling and experiencing in your body as I reflect this to you?”

Client: “Yeah, it is tough. As you were talking, I felt this tight, suffocating feeling in my throat, and I felt sad.”

Therapist: “What do you think this suffocating feeling and sadness is trying to tell you?”

Client: “I am just handling so much right now and feel alone. I do so much in my relationship and work so hard! It is so hard to ask for help; I feel suffocated.”

Therapist: “It does sound like you are handling so much right now. It amazes me how much you are doing and still showing up to therapy now on top of it!” 

Client becomes tearful.

Client: “Yeah, you get it…”

The conversation continues as the therapist holds a loving nonjudgmental space and gently empathizes with you as you deepen into your felt experience and develop self-awareness and greater self-acceptance around what is underneath your irritability to then learn from it and move into a higher level of consciousness. 

Post Modern (Narrative) Therapist 

The role of a Narrative therapist is to co-author your new narrative. A Narrative therapist supports you in investigating the stories in your life and helps you create a more empowering story. This approach supports you in separating from your problems and taking ownership of your life by creating a healthier narrative of how to view your past story and how to live your life moving forward. Like any good writer and storyteller, Narrative therapists pay attention to how words are utilized. Here is a brief example:

Client: “I have been more irritable this week and don’t know why. It seems to have come out of nowhere. I have been more snappy with my partner.” 

Therapist: “When did you notice irritability come into your life?” 

Client: “Most recently, I noticed irritability on Friday evening, but it has frequently been in my life. It feels like it looms around me.” 

Therapist: “Ok, this irritability looms around you. Are there times when you notice irritability is not looming around you?” 

Client: “Yes, when I am hiking and rock climbing with my closest friends. I feel very free, and irritability is never present in those moments…” 

The conversation continues with the therapist separating you from the irritability and helping you rewrite your story to highlight your strengths and all of the ways that you live a fulfilling life where irritability does not show up. 

Psychodynamic Therapist

The role of a Psychodynamic therapist is to focus on the relationship between you and the therapist as a reference point for how you relate to other relationships in your life. By identifying maladaptive behaviors in the therapeutic relationship and developing new behaviors, you can create other healthier relationships. Psychodynamic therapists focus on how relationships in the past can impact how you relate to a relationship in the present. By bringing forth subconscious patterns of behavior, you can start to recognize and move out of those patterns. Here is a brief example:

Client: “I have been more irritable this week and don’t know why. It seems to have come out of nowhere. I have been more snappy with my partner.” 

Therapist: “Does this remind you of any relationship or experience from when you were younger?” 

Client: “Actually, it reminds me of when I would get irritable at my mom as a teenager.”

Therapist: “In what way?”

Client: “My mom would ask me to do all of these chores after I had gone to soccer practice. I would feel irritable, but I wouldn’t tell her that. Instead, I would do the chores but tell her I didn’t like something else she did – like what she made for dinner.” 

Therapist: “Does the snappiness with your mom remind you of how you were with your partner?”

Client: “Yeah, after I did the laundry on Friday, I went back to tell them that their dinner was too spicy and that they gave me a stomach ache…” 

The conversation continues to bring to light subconscious thoughts, feelings, and behaviors from earlier relationships that impact how you relate to your current connection. The therapist may bring up any similarities between how you relate to the therapist and in other relationships as a way to develop solid relationships. 

As you read these examples, could you visualize yourself in the room and connect to one approach that particularly resonated with you? If not, I recommend going back and reading through the examples again and imagining yourself coming to therapy with this issue and what style would feel most supportive to you.